This week has been extremely challenging and I cannot tell you how glad I am to see the end of it. I am physically and mentally tired. My body is suffering from the intense nature of my dance course and my knee is about to give out.
Dad came to Sydney today to help me try and make some sense of everything. Once he left though, I was a wreck. I went to the doctors and they don't know what's wrong with me. We talked about all the possibilities for next semester and next year. We talked about me working full time until the end of the year and then possibly starting university in Canberra next year. But I really don't know what I want. As much as I love dance, I really cannot see myself being able to keep up with it, let alone having the motivation and will to do it for three years. I know university is meant to be hard but it is almost meant to be enjoyable and right now, I am not happy.
I wish there was some way of being able to look into the future and know whether or not I was making the right decision. I'd hate to have regrets in life. I want to be happy and I want to do things. In Sydney, I'm so lonely and I don't do things university students should be doing. It seems at uni that everyone is still friends with their high school friends outside of school, except one of my best friends is in England and the other back home in Batemans Bay. I hate spending the night sitting alone up in my room, on my computer, trying to do assignments but getting distracted, I wish I weren't so socially awkward. I feel like I don't relate to anyone here but then again, I really haven't made an effort to try and fit in.
I don't even know what I want. I'm so confused with everything and I don't know how I can make things better for myself at all. I really just need help, and someone to talk to.
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